Back in April, IGN listed their top 25 Xbox 360 games. I missed this article, which is not surprising since I hardly ever visit IGN anymore, but happened to catch it today, and I would like to rant about it but before I do so, here are the games they selected, followed by the review score (in brackets) given them by IGN:\
Starting from 25, ending with the number 1 selection:
-Super Street Fighter IV (9.0)
-Left 4 Dead 2 (9.0)
-Splinter Cell: Conviction (9.3)
-Batman: Arkham Asylum (9.3)
-Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (9.5)
-Gears of War (9.4)
-FIFA 10 (9.0)
-Dead Space (8.7)
-Halo Wars (8.4)
-Assassin's Creed 2 (9.2)
-Forza Motorsport 3 (9.4)
-Alan Wake (9.0)
-Halo 3: ODST (9.0)
-Rock Band 2 (9.0)
-The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (9.3)
-Grand Theft Auto IV (10.0) (bullshit fucking score if I've ever seen one!)
-Mass Effect (9.4)
-The Orange Box (9.5)
-Halo 3 (9.5)
-Red Dead Redemption (9.7)
-Call of Duty: Modern Warfare (9.4)
-Fallout 3 (9.6)
-Mass Effect 2 (9.6)
Before I get to the rant, I have to acknowledge that these things are subjective, so take what I say as my opinion, and understand that I understand the concept of subjectivity/opinion, etc. That being said,I will of course eschew what I just said and go fucking crazy ranting about stuff that's just based on opinion.
I mean, what fun would this be if I didn't?
First off, and this is definitely my biggest, WHERE THE FUCK IS BAYONETTA?
Now, hold up. I'm not just saying this because I'm such a huge fan of hack n slash games, and there wasn't a single one in the list. If that were the case, I'd be bitching about the lack of Ninja Gaiden II on the list, which some of you will no doubt be expecting me to do; well, prepare to be surprised because I don't think that game deserves to be on that list. Ninja Gaiden Black would have, had it been released this gen, but it wasn't, and as amazing as NGII is in some ways, it's heavily flawed, and therefore not a contender. No qualms there.
Bayonetta, however? That game SCREAMS quality, and guess what? IGN gave it the editor's choice award and scored it a 9.5!!!!
9.5!!!! THAT'S HIGHER THAN 17 OF THE GAMES IN THIS BULLSHIT LIST SCORED!!!!!
Out of 25 games, sevenfuckingteen of them scored lower than a 9.5. Bayonetta scored a 9.5, so WHAT GIVES? Now, earlier I mentioned that the entire list was devoid of a single hack n slash game. I mentioned that I am not making this complaint because of that fact. However, I think it's relevant when there is a game representative of that genre that scored so incredibly well. If there hadn't, then there wouldn't b a complaint on my part. However.... there IS! Why be so redundant, and list so many fucking shooters? How about a bit of diversity, especially since this game SCORED HIGHER THAN MANY OF THOSE SAME SHOOTERS?
This is the problem, and this why these games never win any major awards (unless of course they are names God of something). For some reason, an amazing hack n slash is released, it is reviewed incredibly highly, it raises the bar for the genre, and in the case of a few of them, for gaming in general (things like gameplay speed, melee mechanics, combo systems, etc) and then it is seemingly forgotten.
I mean, is IGN really telling me that Left 4 Dead 2, a completely rushed, derivative sequel that barely improved upon the bare bones formula set by the first game; a game that sparked a huge fan backlash and then was 'supported' with ripoff DLC, is worthy of being on the list rather than a game like Bayonetta, which took several years to make, was full of unlockables (no ripoff DLC), and featured some truly ingenious level design and combat mechanics?
Ugh. Anyways, moving on from Bayonetta. Let's look at some of the individual choices here.
Alan Wake? A game that promised the moon and delivered a rock? The game that took forever to make, and when it released it felt as though it had been made in 2004? THE GAME THAT SOLD YOU THE FUCKING SECOND HALF OF THE STORY AS DLC?????
Borderlands (one of my fave games this gen, btw): They said this game was great because it was built with the 'hardcore' in mind? Ahh....what? The game was great because of the scope, the excellent shooting mechanics, the fantastic amount of weaponry available, the excellent aesthetic, great online setup, and quirky characters. I'm what they would consider 'hardcore' and I don't recall ever thinking “boy this is an hardcore game!” It wasn't overly difficult, and the 'grinding' they talked about was totally optional. You did not have to grind at all if your objective was just to get through the game. Of course, I did tons of grinding, but I'm hardcor- eh, maybe I'm grasping at straws with this complaint. I don't know, it just struck me that they didn't even mention the real qualities of the game and instead talked about the grinding....I dunno.
Okay, moving on....
Super Street Fighter IV is on the list, but Street Fighter IV isn't? Why, I wonder? I guess because it's the 'complete' version of the game? Huh, interesting. They release SFIV, then a year later, they release a 'complete' version, attach the word Super to it, and charge gamers an additional $40 for it. Fleecing their userbase, much? Why does no one call these guys out on this shit? It's becoming rampant with Capcom (and other companies are catching on).
Then again, I'm a fucking hypocrite, because my favourite game (of all time) was just such a re-release, and it also released a year after the original. Sure, it was $30 as opposed to $40, and it added a shit ton more to the game than Capcom added to SSFIV, but still, same concept.....
Fuck it, I'm still calling BUUUUUUUUUULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT
It's my blog, so I can do whatever the fuck I want!!
The Orange Box? How the FUCK is that in the list? Unless I am wrong here (never played it), wasn't the Orange Box just a compilation of a bunch of older games, with only one new one (Portal) included? THIS beats out Bayonetta?
Wait for it......Wait for it......
Unless of course I am wrong about what was included. I could research it, but this is not a serious blog entry so why bother? If I'm wrong, and you're reading this, feel free to correct me, and feel free to call me a lazy, moronic asshole in the process of doing so. I deserve it for ranting about shit I'm not even completely certain about.
I'm a lazy, moronic asshole. There, I said it.
In all fairness, I guess it still is a pretty sweet package. If I was a fan of those games, I'm sure I'd have been all over that shit. It just stikes me as very odd to have a compilation package in a top 25 games list.
What do you, the reader, think? Do compilation discs belong in best of lists? Let me know in the comments section.
Halo 3: ODST?
No, seriously, BUUUUUUUUUULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT
The campaign was fucking weak. It was short as shit, uninspired, and artificially lengthened by the New Mombasa sections. They advertised it like you were 'investigating' for clues to your past....ya RIGHT!! You walked around in the dark, following a waypoint, then when you arrived at the destination, you looked either up or down to find some piece of equipment either hanging from a telephone wire, sitting up high on some piece of the environment, or sitting on the ground. Ya, real engaging there guys. It was a bullshit way of them making the 3 hour campaign last 4 or 5 hours. It was BUUUUUUUUUULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT
Then, on top of it, there's NO MULTIPLAYER. They threw the Halo 3 multiplayer on the disc to pad the feature set and make it seem like it was worth the BUUUUUUUUUULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT price...which, by the way, was supposed to be $20 or $30 but then got changed to full price by the greedy assholes over at Bungie. So, in order to make their expansion look like something more, in order to try and justify the price hike, they added in an admittedly cool mode called Firefight.....BUT DID NOT ADD MATCHMAKING TO IT! So they make this cool co-operative survival mode, but only allow you to play it with people on your friends list. You couldn't just join public games, like you can with any other normal online enabled game mode. Don't have any friends with the game? Too bad, you don't get to play it, asshole!
And why was this not added? Well, Bungie later said that it wasn't in the code and they did not want to put in the time to add it in. What code, you ask? Why, the HALO 3 CODE! Because that's what this game was. Halo 3....expanded.....an EXPANSION, which they CHARGED FULL PRICE FOR. If they were going to charge full price, they should have put the same amount of work into it they do with all full priced games, but instead, they worked within the constraints of pre-existing code, and released it with a gimped feature set a year after Halo 3. Their loyal fans and the full experience be damned.
And, by the way, Bungie....GET RID OF THIS MATHCMAKING BULLSHIT. Games have, for like 2 decades now, allowed you to search for lobbies. You know, server lists. So if I am playing a game, and I want to play a certain mode or a certain map, I can search for games currently in progress with those parameters. Yet, with your stupid games, you somehow got this idea in mind that we don't want choice. We'd rather have your stupid fucking game put us in random games and have little to no choice of what we play.
WHAT THE FUCK? WHO THOUGHT OF THAT SHIT AND WHO THE FUCK NODDED THEIR HEADS AND SAID YEP, GOOD IDEA PAL? Terrible. Not that I play your stupid fucking games anymore, but for the sake of those that do, get rid of it. Or at least add server lists as an option and let the fans decide, will ya'?
Matchmaking is BUUUUUUUUUULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT And OSDT fucking sucked.
Seriously, okay, maybe it didn't suck, but it was certainly a ripoff, it wasn't very engaging, and it was totally unnecessary.
It should NEVER have been included on this list. As if the list wasn't bad enough, they include this bullshit. Bunch of hype drinking, nut hugging casuals. Probably all paid off anyways. Which brings me to:
Grand Theft Auto IV!!
The game that scored a perfect 10!! Talk about sucking the Rockstar teet! There's no WAY that game merits a fucking perfect score. Does it deserve to be on the top 25 list? Eh, I dunno. I know I've been raving about stuff that's basically subjective as it is, but this one is really up in the air for me. I don't think it deserves to be there, but I won't make a fuss about that. I WILL, however, make a fuss about the ten out of fuckin ten they gave it!!
Can I get a BUUUUUUUUUULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT?
The game took everything that made GTA III and its sequels/expansions fun and chucked them out the fucking window, only to replace them with “realism” and “physics.” Meaning, a graphically impressive GTA game with slow, boring characters, cover based gunplay, derivative missions, and basically nothing fun to do.
Saint's Row, and Saint's Row 2 both out GTA'd GTA IV. And where they on the list?
Red Dead Redemption.....Well, I never played the game, so I cannot say too much, bu I do know that it's buggy as hell, something that other games get nailed for (yet this game, ah, another Rockstar game, hmmm...., gets a 9.7), the muiltiplayer was basically BROKEN upon release, it didn't work as advertised, the whored out bullshit DLC (like charging money for a section of the map that was already in the game) and you have to tap the A button to get your horse to run.
WTF IS THAT? Just like GTA. You'd think they would have removed that bullshit, archaic feature by now. How many fucking games make you tap a button to run? NONE, except Rockstar games. I don't get why the reviewers don't complain about this. You can bet your ASS they would if other games did it. It's fucking stupid, and I am sick of the favouritism that Rockstar is given.
More buggy, DLC whoring BUUUUUUUUUULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT
Mass Effect 2 is number one.
Sorry, but Mass Effect was fantastic. Mass Effect 2....ehh....I was so excited for Mass Effect II, but then I got skeptical when I read about where the focus was during development, and I really hated the changes. I couldn't even bring myself to finish it. It went from being an amazing RPG with an fantastic story and gunplay for combat to a Gears of War wannabe with a fantastic story and light RPG mechanics.
And maybe I didn't play it enough, but most of the game take place indoors in little corridors? The first game had you exploring expansive planets, and consequently took place outside for much of the game. Much of the ten or so hours I spent with ME2 before I had to put it down was spent indoors in cramped corridors hiding behind cover.....
The inventory and customization was ruined, searching the environment had become mostly fruitless, the exploration was gone, and the gunplay felt way too much like a Gears knock off now. BORING. Felt like a 3rd person shooter instead of an RPG. I knew EA getting involved was bad. Guaranteed they pressured Bioware to “Action it up!”